Posted by: Wendy | February 26, 2009

Is It the Economy?

Ok,  I have been unemployed since May 2008. I got a job in October 2008 working part time at a local furniture store doing collections. My hours range from 9-14 per week, plus I collect partial unemployment. So you’re saying whats the problem, right? 

I will elaborate: I need full time work in order to pay my bills on time and in full including my mortgages (1st & 2nd). I have been on several interviews in the last 4 months and was sooo close but eh…no job offers. I am very frustrated. There are so many people out of work in my state that unemployment is almost at 9%. Oh BTW my husband is only working part time now also and recuperating from a car accident last month.

I am now starting to second guess myself after the interviews. Did I over sell myself? Was I too aggressive, was I not aggressive enough? Its getting so hard to be myself at these things. I call it the “interview dance”.  I have followed every bit of advice that the job search sites offer. I am registered with 3 different staffing agencies. I have gone to job fairs (which are useless). I have my resume posted on craigslist, linkedin, monster jobs, career builder, & yahoo jobs.

Well tomorrow I have yet another interview from a post that I applied for on Feb 5. they just called me today to set it up.

Cross your fingers, toes, hair follicles and anything else you can think of. I will let you know what happens in a few days-cause of course I won’t know anything right away.

Posted by: Wendy | February 4, 2009

Asking Gets Her Nowhere

Ok, I’ve had this brewing on my mind for quite some time, and now I think I’ve just reached boiling point. My family sucks, in terms of support and priorities. Since Noah was born just over a year ago, my sister, who lives only 45 minutes/13 miles away has seen her nephew maybe 4 times. For no longer than an hour each time. Before he was born she gave me all the crap about being there for him, supporting me with him, and really making an effort to be his aunt. That now seems like a load of crap.

I’m in desperate need of help at home with him; current pregnancy is making things very difficult, I’m borderline bed rest and I really need help at home. She’s currently looking for work. I offered her a PAID JOB to help me look after him (yes, paid to look after her own nephew) where we would pay her hourly and ALL her expenses. 2-3 days a week. She’s sent me an email and declined, saying she’s going on holiday soon and wants to carry on looking for work. I haven’t yet responded.

Then there’s my mother. Who I’m quite sure, often forgets that there’s a world outside her own existence. 6 months ago she agreed to take Noah every Wednesday to give me a break. So far she’s come round to my house every Wednesday and complained about her works shifts which she still does (even though she’s retired), sat and watched Noah play, and taken him for the odd walk. So far I’ve pretty much had to be around the whole time. She’s rarely around to baby sit for us because of her “other commitments” which I won’t name. Or she’s too tired.

She made this whole big deal for nearly a year before Noah was born, about how she was retiring so she could spend time and be the best Nana to her grandchild. Seems to me to be a load of crap. Sometimes it feels like I have to beg her to come spend time with him. Which I really don’t feel I should be doing.

I’m basically bitching about how rubbish my family seem to be (which is pretty much my mother and sister; my bro has been cool but lives a loooong way away and works ridiculously hard). Am I being too hard? Am I expecting too much? What was all this crap about fussing over their relative, and then pretty much not being there? Do I confront them? How? What do I say without absolutely losing my mind? Any help would be appreciated…or feel free to just tell me to get over myself if you think I’m being too hard. I, however, don’t think I am.

Help!!

Jay x

Posted by: Wendy | January 16, 2009

Family Ties or Family Tries?

Posted by: Anonymous

I want to move! Far, far away!

My children’s father lives hours away, and he chooses only to have a relationship with the oldest. We split up shortly after I found out that I was pregnant with our second, and he made it very clear that he was not interested in being apart of the baby’s life. I recently moved to get the children closer to him, in hopes that he and the little one would have an opportunity to get to know each other, and to give the oldest more time with him. Within four weeks of me moving to his town, he moved out of state (AND stopped paying child support). He also is currently engaged to a woman that lost custody of her own child after she abused him, and was convicted of aggravated child abuse, and my ex ignored my concerns about her.

Now, I want to move farther away, not to get farther from him, but where I have better career opportunities.

My very dear friend, whom I respect and really appreciate his advice, told me that if I move farther away I’m giving up on part of my children, and taking away the opportunity for their father to be involved if he one day chooses. This was so painful to hear. Giving up on my children?! I do everything I can to provide these children with what they need, including encouraging their father to be more involved. My friend believes that it is my responsibility, as their mother, to go out of my way and do whatever I can to keep their father in their lives. I’ve done so much already. Did I mention that I MOVED the children closer to him?!?! I’ve driven the oldest to him when he said that he could not meet. I have even paid for the gas before, when he said that money was an issue. Now he just makes no effort. What more can I do??

So if I move to get a better job, am I hurting my children? If he sees the oldest three times a year, why can’t I send her by plane? Her travel time would be near the same as the drive is now. Or fly him in (if he was willing to sacrifice some time from his own little world)? The little one would be far from him, and may never know him, but isn’t that on him? I’ve never denied him visitation. I won’t beg him to love her and I won’t beg him to spend time with her. I moved close to him once hoping that her being near would encourage him, and he threw that opportunity away. If I move her away, does that mean I have given up?

I just want what’s best for my kids. Would a long distance move for my career be wrong?

Posted by: Wendy | January 10, 2009

Adult Child Support

Posted by: Anonymous

Boy do I want to talk! Ok..I will try to be brief. I live in florida, my step children live in New Jersey. My husband & I tried to emancipate my stepdaughter (his kid) but were denied. New Jersey doesn’t believe that if you are unemployed and going to lose your house, thats still no excuse for not paying child support. (she is in her 2nd or 3rd yr of college) She found out about it and was furious at us. She said in an email to me that not having money is” no excuse” and that it felt like a slap in the face to her. She even went so far as to say that we should have discussed it with her. IS SHE KIDDING ME?? I told her that we didn’t feel it was necessary to discuss our financial situation with her. We were trying to free up $334 per month to pay our mortgage. What doesn’t she get? I know if it were my son (who is now 27) he would absolutley without a doubt understand and be compassionate about it. She is the most selfish young lady I have ever met. (gee ya think I’m a little bitter?) Tell me what you think?

In New Jersey there is no age cut off for child support.  As long as the child is in college they will receive it.

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